Your Big Race Guide

23.oo Butetown

WELSH ASSEMBLY STAKES
(Class 5) (For unraced foals, broken geldings and ex-carthorses put out to grass)

Winner: £15 billion annual budget   Runners: 6   Distance: 5 years  Going: Muddy   Weather: Steady drizzle

Weights: responsibilities high; powers low Penalties: blame high; profile low Draw: extreme rightwing bias

1 (2) 1/1/1/1-   LAY BORE (ENG) 117-10-o (pb g Nye Bevan – QuislingN Kinnock  Big Business C Jones
2 (1) 3/3/3/2- TAWDRY (CAY I) 210-10-0 (g m Eton Mess – Capitalist Pig) D Cameron Big Business  ART Davies
3 (3)    0/6/5-  YOU KIP (ENG) 23-1o-0 (b c Oswald Mosley – Rule Britannia) N Farage N Farage  N Gill (7)
4 (6) 2/2/2/3- PLIED (CYM) 91-15-0 (c m Freedom – Help! ) A Price Members L Wood (3)
5 (4) 4/4/4/4- LICKED HEM (WAL) 28-15-0 (ch g Lloyd GeorgeDead Duck) M German Members K Williams
6 (5)  0//0/6-  GREENFLY (ENG) 26-15-0 (br f UndergraduateNimby) C Lucas Members P Bartolotti (7)

SP Forecast: 6-1 Lay Bore, 12-1 Tawdry, 33-1 Plied, 40-1 You Kip, 100-1 Licked Hem, 500-1 Greenfly

Form (by racing correspondent Dic Turpin): Amateur rider Bartolotti receives a 7lb allowance on Greenfly, but the one-trick pony refuses to act on Welsh ground and has no appeal. It will take many seasons, if ever, for Licked Hem to recover from serious wounds self-inflicted in the parade ring. The nag should beware as they shoot horses don’t they? Some very stupid punters might buy owner-trainer Farage’s blustering claims that blinkered, hooded You Kip is a serious contender – but they would have to overlook the animal’s cheap labour East European stable lads, nasty temperament, aversion to Welsh turf and Moron Mormon in the saddle. Plied, the classiest, best-bred runner, has been treated unfairly by the handicapper as usual. Trainer Price would do well to persuade jockey Wood to spend less time with the grooms and get her whip out. Tawdry‘s owners control the conditions, the going, the stewards’ room and the media coverage so the crafty grey mare is a safe each-way bet to fulfil its traditional destructive role on the inside rail. Unbeaten Lay Bore has trouble sorting its hooves out – in one stride neighing about British stabling arrangements, in the next tethering itself to the same in perpetuity. However, since barely 25% of Wales will attend the race you can bet your weekly food parcel that the tongue-strapped gelding will win by a brass neck.