I don’t drink, I don’t smoke and I don’t swear. Bloody hell, I left my pipe in the pub!

I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t swear and I don’t gamble. Bugger it, I lost my baccy in the bookies when I stopped off on the way to the wine bar!

I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t swear, I don’t gamble and I don’t use prostitutes. Oh shit, I was so drunk my ciggies and lotto ticket dropped out of my pocket at the brothel!

I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t swear, I don’t gamble, I don’t use prostitutes and I don’t take drugs. Fuck, I was that distracted by online betting the rent boy drank all my vodka and nicked my weed and cocaine!

I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t swear, I don’t gamble, I don’t use prostitutes, I don’t take drugs and I don’t steal…

STOP!

Why?

Because accusing people of being hypocritical is like accusing water of being wet – and I don’t lie…