Risible

What can I get you, Archbishop? Tea? Coffee? A soft drink? Homemade turnip wine? Something stronger? Give me a large port. Umm…Rotterdam? How about a Bloody Mary? Be patient, Gerry …

Escape route

He waited until darkness fell. In comfortable walking boots, warm clothing and a waterproof hiking jacket with the hood up, he shut the front door as quietly as possible and …

The thing is…

A black cat came to the back door. A young cat, small and thin and nervous. Usually I shoo local cats away, to prevent them shitting in the herbaceous borders …

Reading, writing and rhetoric

I live the life I always wanted: the writer’s life. Somehow or other, I attained this life without resources, assistance, support, encouragement, inheritance, privilege, patronage, influential friends and nepotistic networks, …

The months

With apologies to Sara Coleridge (1802-1852) January brings the fires, Dead koalas, rightwing liars. February brings fierce storms, Setting new destructive norms. March brings toxic air alerts, Gets so bad …

Ulysses abridged

With apologies to James Joyce (1882-1941) and Homer (c750BC-c650BC) Yes Blooms is open again after that fire got a decent bookshop aye O I saw yours there reduced to clear …

If I ruled the world

With apologies to Leslie Bricusse and Cyril Ornadel (1924-2011) – and not forgetting Harry Secombe (1921-2001) ♫ ♫ ♫ If I ruled the world Fascist pigs from every lamppost would …

Blew it

“What the hell is that terrible, anguished wailing noise?” I said to my companion at the remote self-catering cottage near Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch (sic), where I’ve been taking a well-earned break from …

Destined for landfill

I’ve written some limericks before, And admit their reception was poor, But, that notwithstanding, They’re so undemanding I’m entitled to do a few more. The format owes much to E. …

The gathering

They were all there… ♫♫♫ Paddy O’Hare and Billy McGrew And Mick O’Flaherty too, Tramadol Tess, Big Matt and Big Liz, Bigs Ron, Craig, James and Andrew, Big Chrissie, Big …