If

With apologies to Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936) If the Yanks can fail to get the win they mustAnd only draw, not having soccer sussed,If likewise poor Iran’s efforts turn to dustWhile …

Keep it dirty

A tribute to Cornish comedian Jethro (1948-2021) Scene: STD clinic waiting room NURSE A: Howard Ramsbottom to Booth 8 please NURSE B: Wayne Kerr to Booth 4 please NURSE C: …

On the departure of Boris Johnson

With apologies to E.J.Thribb (age 17½) So. FarewellThen Boris Johnson,Kicked out of 10 Downing Street inDisgraceTo put the tin lid on a career of failureAfterFailureAfterFailure. You were aDestructive hooray-henry hooligan,Piss-poor …

Homonym homily

As a word wonk, an inveterate cryptic crossword solver and even an occasional cryptic crossword compiler, I’ve long been fascinated by the literary phenomenon, found in most languages, of the …

Rhif pum cant

With apologies to The Proclaimers When I started, well I didn’t plan ahead,I didn’t think I’d write 500 times at all.When I’m writing, yeah I give it all I’ve got,No …

Jiggery-pokery

Some sort of homage to Barry Cryer (1935-2022) Teddy Frobisher and Gerry Barrington visited… Noswaith dda hogiau! Dewch i mewn! What? Oh, how demoralising! Now what can I get you …

One for the road

“I’ll drive you to the airport if you like,” said Colin. “You don’t want to be lugging your holdall and rucksack on buses and trains.”“You don’t need to Col,” replied …

November

Somewhat after Thomas Hood (1799-1845) No hopes – no dreams –No plans – no schemes –No sense – no brains – no understanding why and how –No smiles – no …

Laugh, or else

Before joining the Crusades, an English knight made sure his Lady stayed faithful by fitting her with a chastity belt. He locked the armoured contraption securely and, not wishing to …