Unedited entries from Five-Year Diary 1966SUNDAY DECEMBER 25thChristmas Day. Sunny & frosty. Sheaf knife from Auntie Hazel & Uncle Roy. Spirograph from Nanny & Poppa. Sports coat from Mum & …

How many beans make five? Five. Correct. What weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of iron? They weigh the same. Correct. Constantinople is a long word. Spell …

I feel like Heledd in Cynddylan’s hall, A roofless ruin amid a land ransacked, Or Taliesin seeing comrades fall As rampant Saxon brutes the corpses hacked, Or frightened Beuno by …

What can I get you, Archbishop? Tea? Coffee? A soft drink? Homemade turnip wine? Something stronger? Give me a large port. Umm…Rotterdam? How about a Bloody Mary? Be patient, Gerry …

A black cat came to the back door. A young cat, small and thin and nervous. Usually I shoo local cats away, to prevent them shitting in the herbaceous borders …

I live the life I always wanted: the writer’s life. Somehow or other, I attained this life without resources, assistance, support, encouragement, inheritance, privilege, patronage, influential friends and nepotistic networks, …

With apologies to Sara Coleridge (1802-1852) January brings the fires, Dead koalas, rightwing liars. February brings fierce storms, Setting new destructive norms. March brings toxic air alerts, Gets so bad …

With apologies to James Joyce (1882-1941) and Homer (c750BC-c650BC) Yes Blooms is open again after that fire got a decent bookshop aye O I saw yours there reduced to clear …

With apologies to Leslie Bricusse and Cyril Ornadel (1924-2011) – and not forgetting Harry Secombe (1921-2001) ♫ ♫ ♫ If I ruled the world Fascist pigs from every lamppost would …