Composed in 1959 by Australian Geoff Mack (1922-2017), the first version of I’ve Been Everywhere was, naturally enough, dedicated to Australian place names. The novelty tongue-twister became a big hit down under in 1962 for ‘Lucky Starr’ – the stage name of singer, guitarist and TV presenter Leslie Morrison. Then, after Canadian-American Hank Snow (1914-1999) had a number 1 hit in the US with his North American version later in 1962, the song went global.

All over the world various countries were given their own versions that rattled off local place names, from Czechoslovakia to Finland, Germany to Catalonia. In 1963 Rolf Harris tried to jump on the bandwagon with a forgettable UK version that included a lazy, ignorant ‘joke’ about the supposed unpronounceability of Welsh place names. This was particularly unforgiveable given that both his parents and his wife were Welsh and that the language is actually entirely phonetic and particularly easy to pronounce – but, there again, he has committed worse sins, like his predatory paedophilia, his fawning to English royalty, and Jake The Peg.

The best-known version of all came years later in 1996 when Johnny Cash (1932-2003) amusingly revived the USA’s gatling-gun gazetteer. Now here we are, deep into the 21st century, and there are no less than 137 different versions of I’ve Been Everywhere – but there still isn’t a Welsh one to celebrate the lip-smacking, inherently musical place names of Cymru. It’s about time I put that right…

I was thumbing a lift
Along the dusty A470 road
When along came a lorry
With a high and canvas-covered load.
“If you’re heading to the north,” he said,
“With me you can ride.”
So I climbed into the cab
And then I settled down inside.
He asked me if I’d seen a road
With so much dust and sand
And I said
“Listen butt, I’ve travelled
Every road in this old land.

I’ve been everywhere, man,
I’ve been everywhere, man,
Across the moorlands bare, man,
I’ve breathed the mountain air, man,
Of travel, I’ve had my share, man,
I’ve been everywhere.

Been to Carno, Penmachno, Penfro, Bancyfelin,
Nantyglo, Llandeilo, Nebo, Pentrefelin,
Ynysddu, Tondu, Llanfaethlu, Ffestiniog,
Treorci, Gwyndy, Llangefni, Llyn Clywedog,
Bangor, Gellifor, Y Faenor, Aberogwr,
Capel Newydd, Castell Newydd, Plasnewydd – I’m a ligger!

I’ve been everywhere, man,
I’ve been everywhere, man,
Across the moorlands bare, man,
I’ve breathed the mountain air, man,
Of travel, I’ve had my share, man,
I’ve been everywhere.

Hebron, Peterston, Hermon, Llanfair Clydogau,
Bronington, Letterston, Knighton, Llidiardau,
Colwyn Bay, Tiger Bay, St Brides Bay, Froncysyllte,
Bryncoch, Rhosgoch, Caban-Coch, Ystradfellte,
Caerffili, Cydweli, Llanelli, Felinfach,
Bwlchbach, Drefach, Brynbach – What a lark!

I’ve been everywhere, man,
I’ve been everywhere, man,
Across the moorlands bare, man,
I’ve breathed the mountain air, man,
Of travel, I’ve had my share, man,
I’ve been everywhere.

Cefn Mawr, Brynmawr, Clawddmawr, Eglwyswrw,
Bwlchmawr, Merthyr Mawr, Waunfawr, Aberedw,
Maesteg, Tyla Teg, Farteg, Bargoed,
Hwlffordd, Bancyfford, Penyffordd, Argoed,
Talybont, Penybont, Cross Keys, Connah’s Quay,
Penarth, Aberarth – You see, mun, this is me!

I’ve been everywhere, man,
I’ve been everywhere, man,
Across the moorlands bare, man,
I’ve breathed the mountain air, man,
Of travel, I’ve had my share, man,
I’ve been everywhere.

Bodnant, Clegyr Nant, Sychnant, Ystradmynach,
Tylorstown, Newtown, Wattstown, Tirymynach,
Llandwrog, Talog, Porthmadog, Holywell,
Cwm Craig, Cefn Graig, Dan y Graig, Taff’s Well,
Abergwaun, Hirwaun, Penywaun, Cil y Cwm,
Rhyd y Cwm, Glas Cwm, Coed y Cwm – To name just some!

I’ve been everywhere, man,
I’ve been everywhere, man,
Across the moorland bare, man,
I’ve breathed the mountain air, man,
Of travel, I’ve had my share, man…”
“I know somewhere you haven’t been…”
“Tell me where, man!”