12.30 BUTETOWN

WELSH LABOUR CUP
(Class 6) For British-bred hacks, mules and token mares

Winner: £135,000 a year plus expenses  Distance: Until reaching the knacker’s yard  Going: Heavy  Weather: Dull and wet  Weights: Lightweights only  Penalties: First Ministership  Draw: Favours plodding insiders allergic to Wales

1 (1) FAKE DUD
64-14-0
Form: 0/00-FU
Owner: Mainstream Conformity Ltd Trainer: R Morgan Jockey: Frankly A Tori
gr-g Sins Of The Fathers-I Robot

2 (2) GETTING NOWHERE
44-13-0
Form: 0-PP
Owner: The Law Society Trainer: C Jones Jockey: Tory MuckCoy
br-c Greasy Pole-Waiting Lists

3 (3) LEANED-ON WOMAN
51-12-0
Form: P-00
Owner: Big Business plc Trainer: C Jones Jockey: Tory Balding
ro-m Double Salary-The Baroness

BETTING: 5-6 Fake Dud, 10-1 Getting Nowhere, 100-1 Leaned-On Woman

VERDICT (by Racing Correspondent Dic Turnip): This looks like a walkover for frontrunner Fake Dud, wearing blinkers, hood and visor as ever. Don’t be fooled by his scraggy appearance, ill-fitting saddle, prison-visiting chores and pale pink colours – he’s got horsebox-ticking entry Leaned-On Woman to set a turgid pace on the rightwing rail should the race threaten to get relevant and shift to the left. Dark horse Getting Nowhere is probably just putting down a marker for the future after Fake Dud is turfed out and rendered down into dogfood and economy burgers.