How many beans make five?

Five.

Correct.

What weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of iron?

They weigh the same.

Correct.

Constantinople is a long word. Spell it.

I. T.

Correct.

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch is a long word. Spell it.

I. T.

Correct.

Two plus two equals what?

22.

Correct.

Knock Knock.

Who’s there?

Poop.

Poop who?

Upstairs, second right.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Tab.

Tab who?

Incest.

The boy stood on the burning deck,
His ship was going down,
All he had to do was pick:
Incinerate or drown.

The boy stood on the burning deck,
His ship was going down.
And if that wasn’t bad enough
His underpants were brown!

How many Englishmen does it take to change a light bulb?

I don’t know.

Two. One to flagellate while the other phones for a handyman from the village.

Adam and Eve and Punch Me went down to the river to swim. Adam and Eve were drowned. Who was left?

Umm…HEY!! BIDEN’S WON!!!

And the world breathed again…and dared to hope again…