With apologies to Evan James (1809-1878) and James James (1832-1902) – and the people of Wales!

♫ To the tune of Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau ♫

My head’s in a vice-clamp and throbbing with pain,
Won’t ever get Scotch from the Co-op again!
I’m all of a quiver, too much of a stretch
Roast turkey for supper: I’ll retch!

God! God! Praying you don’t take me home.
I’ve dreamed of this since I was born.
You know what they say: When in Rome…